Monday, April 25, 2016

A Day at Work with Asperger's

I think it is important that neurotypical people understand how we on the spectrum experience the world. Today is a good example of exactly that.

I'm a substitute teacher and today I went to a high school I often sub at. When I arrived, they did not give me the class for which I signed up, but had me help in the counselor's office.

For most people, I suppose, being reassigned when you show up isn't a big deal. But it is for me. When I saw the fact that I was assigned something other than that which I had chosen, I felt a wave of dread and anxiety. I cannot stand for my expectations not to be met and I do not like things being changed at the last minute. If you want to put me in a bad mood and make me uncommunicative, that's a great way to do it.

What was worse was that I had to deliver documents to students. That meant going to different classes and having to interact with different teachers. The first thing I did was put the documents in order of room number because the randomness of the order drove me crazy. Then I went from the third floor down to each floor. There were three sets of documents, so I had to visit several class rooms more than once.

I don't like doing this sort of thing because for one I don't like interrupting people teaching. And if the door is open, I don't really know the proper way to announce myself, so I just stand there until someone notices me.

In once classroom a teacher got mad at me because, like I had done in ever other classroom, I announced the student's name for him to get his document. She informed me that I was to hand the document to her and she was to call the student's name. I told her I was sorry, but nobody had told me I was supposed to do that.

What I really, really, really wanted to say was, "I have a Ph.D. and I have a higher I.Q. than anyone working here and I have to do this ridiculous job because of people like you, so get off my back!"

But I'm pretty sure that would have come across as uncooperative and arrogant.

Instead, I just did as she told me from thereon out. Even though she was the only one to object. Because a confrontation like that--especially one where, because of the social situation I'm in, I cannot actually respond--freaks me out, causes me anxiety, and causes me to go over and over and over the situation that just happened.

The last class period I was put in the In-School Suspension room. There were only four students. When the school day ended, maybe a minute before the bell rang, the students came up and asked me if they could leave. The clock said it was 4:15. I told them they could go. When I left, a vice principal came up to me and asked if the students had left with my permission. I told him yes. He told me I had to keep students from bell to bell. Then he looked at me and said, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with what I just told you?"

I don't know what look I gave him, but I decided not to try to figure it out. So I told him, "I'm sorry. I have Asperger's. Whatever look I gave you..."

He shook my hand and sent me on my way. In my head, I thought that apparently my face doesn't always reflect the content of my mind and heart. He was the first to point it out. I have to wonder how many just went with their interpretation and didn't confront me and just went away thinking I have a bad attitude. I have to wonder how often a mistaken look has cost me something.


  1. Good Troy, I certainly can relate to your experience and can understand your frustration. NT people may not understand that the Autistic person can have a very difficult time transitioning in real time as they may have a different blueprint in their head of what the next actions should be. Throw that logic out and shit hits the fan. Keep writing and sharing your experiences.

  2. Thank you for your kind words and comments. I'm certainly going to continue keeping this up for the foreseeable future. I'm hoping I can even get some neurotypical people reading it so they can begin to understand us.